For those of you who don't know, I am the mother of three terrific kids. My oldest two are only seventeen months apart. I remember back to when they were babies, and toddlers, and preschoolers and there were days I thought I would die. There were other days where I wanted to die. It was hard! Throw in a good dose of postpartum depression and its a miracle any of us survived. I know some of you are there now.
I could tell you its going to get better... and it does. There is definitely a sweet spot during the middle years. They are old enough to communicate with and even though there are ups and downs, for the most part, parenting in these years is fun. You can play games and go places. Parks are fun, going to birthday parties is fun, even doing chores together can be fun, because everything is new to them. They're so sweet and innocent and they love to snuggle. My youngest is still in this stage. I am savoring every moment because I know what's coming...
Then they hit the tween/teen years. Just today I told a friend there isn't enough essential oils in the world to get me through having two adolescents at the same time. A boy and a girl. I kinda understand where my daughter is coming from, but I'm pretty sure my son was switched at birth and may not even be the same species as me. From what I'm told, everything I am experiencing is very normal. Apparently ALL teens go through this stage. All of a sudden there are mood swings, debating, arguing, unexplained crying, and a whole lot of attitude to go along with it all.
Its not all bad, its just that when they're younger they obey and don't question EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAY. All day. Every Day.
All my kids are educated using a classical model. If you don't do it, you probably have no idea what that means. I sure didn't. Let me give you the Cliffs Notes version. Classical education recognizes that there are three stages of development, grammar, dialectic, and rhetoric. There are different names for these stages but they mean the same things. In the grammar stage a child is able to absorb a lot of information and memorize easily. They can memorize things that are beyond their understanding. In math they memorize formulas that they will not use for years. My six year old can skip count his multiplication tables up to 15x15 even though he only has a basic understanding of what multiplication is. He is at a stage where he can learn this easily. Later, when I teach him multiplication, as soon as he understands the concept, he will very quickly learn to multiply because he already knows all his facts. He can tell you the area of a triangle even though he doesn't even know what area means. But one day, when we get to that part, as soon as he understands it will click and he won't struggle to remember all these formulas. They memorize history facts and dates. Last year we were reading something that mentioned the date 1942. I asked them if they knew what happened in 1942 and my daughter was able to tell me that World War II was going on because of a history sentence they had memorized. I'm sure you're wondering where I am going with this. Hang on. I'm getting there.
The second stage of learning is the dialectic stage. During this stage, kids are much more curious and begin to ask questions. When we are memorizing a history, science, or math fact, my daughter will ask me what that means or why? Or why does she need to know this. She has moved into the dialectic stage. She is no longer willing to just accept everything I say in the same way she did when she was eight or nine. Now she needs to know these truths for herself. I tell myself it is a good thing, and is a sign that she and her older brother are developing their skills of logic and reasoning.
The truth is it drives me crazy! It totally wears me down to answer millions of questions an hour and I feel like I am constantly having to explain myself. Before I move on to the REAL topic of this post, I want to tell you about the last phase.
The final stage of learning is called the rhetoric stage. At this point the child (or adult) has learned not only the facts of a subject, and can ask questions and discuss it, but they have reached the point of mastery. Not only do they understand it in its entirety, but they can teach it to someone else.
Here is an example of how a child would move through the three stages of learning when it comes to reading. In the beginning, the grammar phase, you show the child the letters and begin to say them as you point to them. Then he or she begins to learn the sounds of each letter. During the dialectic phase of reading they are reciting back to you the sounds and starting to sound out words. Eventually they are able to piece together sentences and then paragraphs, but still get stumped and have to ask for help. When one reaches the rhetoric stage, he can read fluently and if he comes across an unfamiliar word, has the skills to look it up and understand. Additionally, he is able to teach someone else how to read, because he has mastered the material.
Okay, back to how I'm going to run off an join the circus because I have one nerve left and everyone in my family is on it! I swear if one more person asks me "why" I am going to sew their lips together. I can do it too. I have two sewing machines and a serger. Don't mess with me.
The thing about these tween/teen years is that you are basically starting over as a parent. All the tips and tricks you've learned don't work anymore. Its like somebody snuck in and did a freaky Friday thing on your kids. Your whole discipline program has to be reworked. Taking away privileges or electronics seems to be the most effective thing for us these days, so "You're grounded!" is a phrase that has been uttered more than once in our neck of the woods.
Recently I was thinking about how well "grounding" works and decided that we needed more than just TIME to get back privileges. They needed to EARN them back. Way back in the empty part of my brain I remembered some woman had come up with a
chore chart of sorts to make her children earn back their privileges. BAZINGA! That is just what I needed. I printed hers off and used it in a pinch, but knew I wanted to make my own that fit my needs better. Hers is not editable and has the names of her children on it, and when my kids are in trouble is not the best time to discuss who Ashley, Ryan, and Adam are. You can edit this document and add/delete chores to make it work best for you.
I'll have to refrain from looking for opportunities to ground them just so I can get my house cleaned for free. Here it is.
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| Click to download |
Before I sign off, I do want to say that I really do have great kids and love them all dearly! I cling to my belief that all the struggles in my life, including parenting, are being used by my heavenly Father to conform me into the image of Christ. Through it all I'm getting more kind, more gentle, more patient... VERY slowly, but surely.
Have a blessed weekend friends. I am on a road trip with some ladies from church to be trained for an upcoming conference we are doing in the spring. Please say a prayer for safe travels for us.
Kristy
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to hold them together if you would like.
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